I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize