You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
