We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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