What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
