Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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