So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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