actually, I'm a sock model
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize