Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
