Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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