I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
