i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
