Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
