Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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