Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
