Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
