I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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