so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
