So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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