My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
