toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
