i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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