Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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