Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize