somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
