i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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