Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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