He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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