I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
