Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
