i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
