He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
