i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
