My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
