after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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