Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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