Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
