ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
