just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My dick has a subreddit
I have fence marks all over my body
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
