I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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