I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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