Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
