whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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