Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
