When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
