I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
