I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
