fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
