I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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