I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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