I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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