We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
they're like a gay fantastic four
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
