so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
