I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
