last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
