You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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