You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Even my vagina gasped.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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