I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
