you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hippo gnu deer
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
