I smell stomach acid.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So squirting runs in the family.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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