Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
