his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
