The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
