Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
did i just pee glitter
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
