I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
