Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
