sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The convent might be a nice break from real life
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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