Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
