I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
