Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My penis needs a shock collar
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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