Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize