She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
