I accidentally had phone sex last night
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
