he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
